Fraternal Reflections
by Hija del Angel
Summary: Cloud thinks of the Sephiroth clone that calls him brother. He feels a connection with Kadaj, and brotherhood always intrigued him.


**Disclaimer:** I am playing in someone else's sandbox.

* * *

Cloud feels a connection with Kadaj, the little Sephiroth clone who calls him brother.

He feels nothing towards the long haired clone who reminds him of the Sephiroth that stands and taunts him after beating him down, after defeating him, causing pain with that sadistic glee on his face. Brother is a word he uses to remind Cloud of things best forgotten, a word that always has an echo behind it, a whisper of a word, _'Puppet...'_

He feels nothing towards the rough one who seems deficient to him somehow, lacking the grace that has always been the hallmark of all the Sephiroth clones. Strength only goes so far. When he calls Cloud brother, Cloud sees a weak longing for connection that repulses him somehow. A distant disgust is all he feels.

One reminds him too much of Sephiroth, the other too little. What Kadaj reminds him of, mostly, is himself. Sephiroth, but not. Jenova infected, but with some rational thought. He feels a kinship, a slight, _almost_ brotherhood, and he likes to think that Kadaj does as well. When Kadaj calls him brother, Cloud sees brief regret in those far-too-green eyes. Perhaps... and perhaps not.

They spare each other often enough for it to start becoming a bad habit. On their first meeting, Kadaj relents and calls off the hounds, at a time when Cloud is weakened. He is unable to believe they would actually manage kill him. In his own way, he is as hard to kill as Sephiroth. More so, actually, as the guy does die each time... before promptly coming back again. Honestly, he's like a Jack in the box!

...But that is a rant for another time.

Back to the subject under discussion. Getting mauled and left for dead does not appeal to him, and he feels slightly grateful that he is spared it. However, he is not so sentimental as to think this will last. And this serves him well when in the forgotten city he finds himself getting defeated with ease by the deadly duo as he has taken to thinking of them while his little Brother does nothing.

But there Kadaj calls him brother with a bone deep bitterness, accusing, and does not that very depth of emotion mean something? Sincere feeling, at the very least, even if it be betrayal, not mocking as he gets from the long-haired one, or emptiness as the rough one says.

Or Cloud's desperation for a family, a real one that will not expect anything from him, _such as a sibling..._ is getting really really bad. He is afraid he's just thinking too much into it. And what a family...

But then, they are a family of Sephiroth clones. Of course it's dysfunctional.

Cloud's next contact with him is in the motorcycle race, following Kadaj while avoiding the deadly duo who are very very _very_ annoying. At some point he has Fenrir right alongside Kadaj who has not even unsheathed his katana, and can't without letting Jenova's head go. They both know that won't happen. Both know that Cloud can pull a blade within seconds.

He doesn't.

He tells himself it's repayment for the time Kadaj did the same for him, but he knows that is not true. It is more for the sight of Kadaj's desperate face that makes Cloud want, just a little that he could truly be the boy's (And that's all he is. Barely a month old, the way Vincent tells it.) elder brother and could take care of him, protect him. _Just a little._

He lets the lad gain a head-start on him, convincing himself that next time it would be a true fight. He cannot afford otherwise.

When Cloud feels the explosion behind him that signals that the Turks have done their work, that the deadly duo is dead, he spins Fenrir for one last look. He mourns, perhaps, the death of what might have been, the very slightest hint of a family. Not for long. He has had greater griefs in his life.

Cloud follows Kadaj to the church. Aeris' Church, and he should be feeling furious that Sephiroth's darkening touch reaches even here, but he can't help but think that Aeris would have loved to meet his younger brother in different circumstances. If he truly had been a brother, she at least would have seen through to Kadaj's innocence.

And somehow he is obsessed with this innocence, yet guilt, in this one short day. Kadaj reminds him so much of himself that it is painful. A Sephiroth clone with some semblance of free thought, and Cloud remembers times when he had none. Remembers times when he would have been the one yearning for reunion.

Kadaj is _guilty_, he reminds himself. No matter how pitiful he can look, so desperate, so distraught, he has infected dozens with Jenova, a killing, painful disease, the 'Stigma. But he is so young, and doing what he is commanded to do, yearning for a Mother's love. Cloud pities him, and feels a deep kinship with him.

And Rufus strikes too close to the truth when he likens Kadaj to the orphans Cloud is so fond of bringing in. It's more than just Denzel. Denzel was the first, but there are more whom Tifa helps find good homes, with couples left childless or barren with mako poisoning after Meteor.

Kadaj's cries he hears before he enters the church. Cloud has kept a special place in his heart for Meteor Orphans, just a part of his penance for not keeping Aeris safer, for not killing Sephiroth sooner that he feels he must do. Everytime Kadaj cries for a Mother that he'll never receive from Jenova, Cloud's heart breaks a little inside.

But Kadaj is his enemy and the Mother he cries over the Calamity herself. He makes himself not hesitate before charging the church doors, intent to kill forcibly awakened. His protective instincts war with it before he forces them down.

Kadaj flees and Cloud chases him, Aeris's rain healing him, leaving him determined to do the right thing, whatever it may be.

They meet for what Cloud knows is the final time atop the ruins of ShinRa. Cloud calls him a remnant, fishing for a response that will let him see if redemption might be possible. When Kadaj answers with bitterness he feels hope; A _real_ puppet would not resent his existence. He feels the urge to say this to Kadaj, to mention that if he, Cloud, became more, then why cannot Kadaj?

But then they are fighting, and there is no opportunity for talk. Kadaj fights with desperation, a whirlwind of steel. For a time Cloud is hard pressed to keep up. In his subconscious he feels the Shera come and go again.

Kadaj disarms him, knocking the main Fusion blade into the side of the building, and Cloud jumps to retrieve it, clinging to the side of the building, breathing hard in momentary pause. He feels a deep instinctive pride rushing through him, involuntarily pulling his lips into a slight smirk, the closest he has come to a real smile in ages. But he knows the lad is tiring, and this can only end with his death, or his surrender.

Then Kadaj jumps for a final attack, and Cloud sees a fatal mistake, one flaw that he can use, and he knocks him back in strong parry that throws his little brother off the side of the building, disarming him.

Kadaj clings to the edge of the building with only one hand, holding Jenova's head with the other. Cloud stands over him, hope dying slowly as he sees the fanaticism in Kadaj's expression. It is an agonizing death.

Cloud cannot bring himself to finish it, not when Kadaj is looking him in the eye with such terror, and such determination. Determination that he has felt more than once on himself, to die with dignity.

He hardly remembers what happens next. Flashes of Jenova green, of Sephiroth at the height of his power, and Kadaj falling...

He leaps after him, not sure what he'll do, whether he wants to kill the lad or save him. Then he's looking into Sephiroth's silver eyes.

_Good to see you... Cloud..._

Then there is pain and movement, and he is relying solely on his reflexes to save himself, then he is skewered through the shoulder, then he is beaten down, lost, dying, coughing out blood, and Sephiroth keeps_ taunting _him...

Zack... reassurance... serenity... then _decision._

He has to finish this, so he will.

So he does.

But what falls is not Sephiroth, but the little fledgling, the lost clone that calls him brother, far from home, and so scared...

Even then he has the courage to make one final attempt to attack Cloud, so determinedly. Cloud does draw his sword, but knows that he will not defend against this charge._ Let it fall if it does._

But no, Kadaj is too broken, too hurt by the abandonment of whom he had thought was his eldest brother, who should have protected him, not used him.

Cloud catches him as he falls, because it is instinctive to do so, holding him protectively, close and reassuringly. _It's okay. I got you._

Kadaj looks at him and breathes,_ "Brother..."_ So shakily, so sincerely, so... softly, affectionately. He looks so _young..._

Cloud finally allows himself to feel the grief that has been threatening. _This should not have happened._

Aeris speaks, so affectionately, so sweet. _Kadaj?_

A drop falls on Kadaj's face and he flinches away from it. It rains, beautiful peaceful rain, bringing the smell of wet dirt, and the slightest hint of flowers. And if the first drop is salt water, well, no one need ever know.

Kadaj calls Aeris mother, and Cloud feels that she would be a good one to this little lost clone. She welcomes him, and Kadaj weeps. He is so joyful, so sorrowful, so young, so _innocent,_ it hurts.

Kadaj extends a hand and is helped up by someone, and Cloud's little brother is gone, his arms empty, dissipating into the Lifestream.

_You better take good care of him, Aeris._

* * *

_I always felt that the first drop to fall on Kadaj was a tear. And Cloud's eyes always look wet to me in the view we get of them. I guess this was inevitable._

_My first fanfic. I wonder how people will react..._

_**Hija.**_


End file.
